Separation

 Alma Newitt

My friend recently separated, from her husband.  It was a long struggle over many years, but she finally made the decision.  They were incompatible.  He was insensitive to her needs, and she couldn't  bear his faults.  They didn't see many things the same way, and neither of them could tolerate the tension of their differences.

It was a hopeless situation, one that had no apparent solution in togetherness.

St. Paul says in his letter to the Romans that before one is married, one seeks to please the Lord, and after marriage - the husband or wife.  And so, he warns us, we who are married will have difficulty.

In essence, then, it is as if we transfer our gaze from the Heavenly

Beloved to the earthly spouse.  He or she tends to supplant God as the center of our existence.  We invest ourselves in our mate and then expect unconditional love and perfection in return, because these are the attributes of God.

My friend's husband is really a fine and decent man, no worse and no better than most of us.  But he was in the position of God in her life, and when he disappointed her, all hell broke loose between them.

Both of them are relieved at the separation.  He is out from under hercriticism, and she is free from the awful bondage of her dependence on him for her happiness.  Before, when she was looking to her husband for life, my friend was upset and insecure much of the time.  Now she is no longer disappointed and angry when her husband doesn't live up to her expectations.  She doesn't act like a fishwife when he does something boorish.  She says she doesn't even judge him harshly in her heart anymore.  Now she is able to have a "quiet spirit" and even appreciates her husband's humanness.  He, in turn, no longer walks on eggs, resenting and fearing that he will displease his wife.  In short, since my friend separated from her husband, both of them are happier for the arrangement.

What a pity, one might say, that these people had to separate to achieve harmony.  And why can't they now get back together?

Actually, my friend never physically left her husband.  When her marriage seemed impossibly difficult, she sought a relationship elsewhere.  She turned to a former love and began to spend more and more time with him.  As that relationship grew and fulfilled her needs, she was enabled to separate from her dependence and expectation of her husband.

Now she depends on another, One who can easily carry the weight of her expectations.  "My expectation is of Thee, 0 God", she can say with the psalmist.  Her divine spouse, unlike her very human husband, will never fail her.  "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is fixed on Thee."  Since her separation, my friend is at peace.

"Separation" is an interesting word.  In both the Hebrew and Greek it is the meaning of our word  "holy".  The saints' writings speak of detachment in much the same way.  Both words imply that one is closer to God than to people or things or circumstances, and therefore not unduly perturbed by others' opinions, behavior or life's vicissitudes.  One is separated, or set apart from these on account of a profound relationship with God.

When Joseph was sold into Egypt by his brothers, he must have had this separation, for instead of becoming bitter at the cruel deed done to him, he looked for God's plan in the matter.  And Sarah, when Abraham passed her off as his sister, must have been "separated", for rather than becoming rebellious and angry, she obeyed her husband, hoping in God.

And so it is with my friend.  Her hope and faith have returned where they belong.  She is in the process of becoming closer to God than she is to man.  She is yet the wife of her husband.  They are one flesh, under the same roof.  But in her spirit she is married to Christ.

He is now the center of her life, and that has made all the difference.